my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
