i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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