The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
