at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
