i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
