aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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