what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
