Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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