So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
