My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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