you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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