the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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