That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
