dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
