So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
