you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
