Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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