great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
