When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
