I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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