I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
