Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
