her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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