When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
