i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
