the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
