I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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