i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
