In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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