You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
