Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
