see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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