my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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