i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
