they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
