My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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