she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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