Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
