so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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