The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
