i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
