We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
