I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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