just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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