walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
