She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize