When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
