I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
