I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
