i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
