worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
