A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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