Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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