im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
