Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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