I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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