FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
