I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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