I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
