Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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