Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
