Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
