i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
