I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
