Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
