My nipple is on Facebook.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize