Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize