I didn't shave. On purpose
id be glad to
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
