She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
