Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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