My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
