She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
