that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize