whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
